It has been brought to my attention that I do not post with enough regularity to satisfy some people. These pointed observations are made by people whom I do not know, and while I question the occasionally alarming level of personal investment people have into the insane ramblings of a complete stranger, I feel obliged to respond.
So, to those who have taken the time out of their day to write to me and tell me that I suck because I don't write enough for their liking, please consider the following before firing off another douchey email to me:
1. I have a job already, and in exchange for doing that job I get this stuff called "money." I can tell you with a relative degree of certainty that money pretty much rocks. That's what allows me to buy booze, and never underestimate the importance of that. When this website starts paying me in vodka you will see dedication the likes of which you've never witnessed before. Until then a girl's got to prioritize.
2. I rather enjoy spending time with my spouse, which is pretty much why I married him. That and his enormous schlong.
3. I have two feline children to take care of. It takes a lot of time and attention to fill up their food and water bowls every day, and don't even get me started on the litterbox. It's one of those automatic cleaning ones, and have you ever stopped to consider the amount of effort required for me to sit on the sofa while the little metal rakey thing sweeps away the poo? I don't think you have!
4. Do you have any idea how much reality tv is out there, desperate for me to watch it? How can you expect me to focus on sharing stupid, meaningless stories when America's Top Models Engaging in the Most Unbelievable and Shocking Workplace Shenanigans and Police Chases, vol 39 is on? Good Lord y'all. I'm only human, for craps sake. If cut, do I not bleed? If spit upon, do I not get wet?
5. That booze won't drink itself, people.
I rest my case.
So, to those who have taken the time out of their day to write to me and tell me that I suck because I don't write enough for their liking, please consider the following before firing off another douchey email to me:
1. I have a job already, and in exchange for doing that job I get this stuff called "money." I can tell you with a relative degree of certainty that money pretty much rocks. That's what allows me to buy booze, and never underestimate the importance of that. When this website starts paying me in vodka you will see dedication the likes of which you've never witnessed before. Until then a girl's got to prioritize.
2. I rather enjoy spending time with my spouse, which is pretty much why I married him. That and his enormous schlong.
3. I have two feline children to take care of. It takes a lot of time and attention to fill up their food and water bowls every day, and don't even get me started on the litterbox. It's one of those automatic cleaning ones, and have you ever stopped to consider the amount of effort required for me to sit on the sofa while the little metal rakey thing sweeps away the poo? I don't think you have!
4. Do you have any idea how much reality tv is out there, desperate for me to watch it? How can you expect me to focus on sharing stupid, meaningless stories when America's Top Models Engaging in the Most Unbelievable and Shocking Workplace Shenanigans and Police Chases, vol 39 is on? Good Lord y'all. I'm only human, for craps sake. If cut, do I not bleed? If spit upon, do I not get wet?
5. That booze won't drink itself, people.
I rest my case.
2 Comments:
bwahahahahhaaa! Oh my god, this is one of the best blog posts I have ever read.
This totally made my day.
I'd link it over at Music City Bloggers, but I'm not sure if your hubby really wants all of Music City to know about his enormous schlong.
Wait. Who are we kidding?
Linking shortly...
:)
That cracked me up!!!
And you are right, the liquor won't drink itself.... I know this from personal experience.
Oh there is a new riveting show called "Parking Wars" and is all about people who's cars are towed and the tow truck drivers.... It is only good if booze is involved.
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