Tonight The Mister and I watched a very informative and interesting program on PBS called The Mormons. Let me make it very clear from the outset that I am not here to criticize anyone's faith. Hell, I come from a very long, vehement line of Catholics and they've trademarked their own special brand of crazy. I am firmly of the opinion that your salvation is between you and your maker and my dumb ass has no business telling you what to do with your eternal soul.
With that being said, I would like to switch gears for a moment -- bear with me, because I am going somewhere with this -- and point out that talent at the art of hair design is not something universally shared. Like most everything, some people have a gift for it and some don't. Unfortunately for me, my mother was under the grossly incorrect assumption that she was skilled in this particular area. This misapprehension, coupled with her unfathomable affection for Lilt home perms, is why I spent a good chunk of my high school sophomore year bearing a frightening resemblance to Roseanne Roseannadanna.
Ok, so back to Mormons. Brigham Young had more than fifty wives. I hope he was taking his vitamins. But even with all those women at his disposal he still sported this hairdo:
I know things were tough on the prairie, what with all the mayhem and cannibalism and all, and no doubt there was a horrifying lack of upscale hair salons in 19th century Utah. But with all those women around surely he could have found someone able to cut and style his hair so that it didn't look like he had a winged maxipad stuck to the top of his head.
Brigham, dude, people would have been so much more accepting of the whole multiple wife dealy if you'd had a more authoritative hairdo. Hell, look at Mitt Romney! He's a complete nutbar but he's done quite well for himself, and I have no doubt it's due in large part to his pretty, pretty hair.
So anyway, I have singlehandedly figured out why Mormonism hasn't enjoyed more mainstream success in the theological world. I hope the powers that be are paying attention to me because I've got this shit nailed.
Meanwhile, as I type this, old Brigham is looking down on me and saying, "Crack on my hairstyle as much as you want, bitch. At least I didn't look like Roseanne Roseannadanna."
With that being said, I would like to switch gears for a moment -- bear with me, because I am going somewhere with this -- and point out that talent at the art of hair design is not something universally shared. Like most everything, some people have a gift for it and some don't. Unfortunately for me, my mother was under the grossly incorrect assumption that she was skilled in this particular area. This misapprehension, coupled with her unfathomable affection for Lilt home perms, is why I spent a good chunk of my high school sophomore year bearing a frightening resemblance to Roseanne Roseannadanna.Ok, so back to Mormons. Brigham Young had more than fifty wives. I hope he was taking his vitamins. But even with all those women at his disposal he still sported this hairdo:
I know things were tough on the prairie, what with all the mayhem and cannibalism and all, and no doubt there was a horrifying lack of upscale hair salons in 19th century Utah. But with all those women around surely he could have found someone able to cut and style his hair so that it didn't look like he had a winged maxipad stuck to the top of his head.
Brigham, dude, people would have been so much more accepting of the whole multiple wife dealy if you'd had a more authoritative hairdo. Hell, look at Mitt Romney! He's a complete nutbar but he's done quite well for himself, and I have no doubt it's due in large part to his pretty, pretty hair.
So anyway, I have singlehandedly figured out why Mormonism hasn't enjoyed more mainstream success in the theological world. I hope the powers that be are paying attention to me because I've got this shit nailed.
Meanwhile, as I type this, old Brigham is looking down on me and saying, "Crack on my hairstyle as much as you want, bitch. At least I didn't look like Roseanne Roseannadanna."
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