Sandra Lee is the Key to Internet Popularity. Also, Wankers!

I am not at all interested in blog traffic. To those people who have read Sparkles Plenty with any degree of regularity, this will come as no surprise. I only write when some random thought pops into my head that prompts me to interrupt my customary lazy, do-nothing pursuits long enough to pound away at the keyboard and post my fool-headed thoughts. I never intended anyone to actually read this little thing anyway, and with the exception of my husband, no one I know is even aware it exists. So imagine my surprise when I started getting emails from people who had read what I’d written. Who were these people, and what in the world prompted them to type in www.sparklesplenty.blogspot.com? I could understand the traffic if I’d named the thing freevacations.com, loseweightwithoutdieting.com, or parishiltonisastupidwhore.com, but I couldn’t figure out how something so bizarrely named that I’d deliberately tried to keep secret ended up getting found. Eventually I gave up the fight for anonymity and quit trying to be all cagey and shit. If people wanted to read it, they were welcome to. Besides, it’s not like I had a say in the matter since I put it on the freaking internet, for pete’s sake. But as time has gone on, I’ve truly come to enjoy reading the emails and comments. Anonymous camaraderie can be oddly reassuring. And while I still don’t give a good goddamn how many people read this website, I do find it interesting to see how they end up here.

I know that there are a lot of blog-type people who really encourage readership, so to them I am about the unload a precious, secret nugget of promotion: Write about Sandra Lee. I cannot tell you how many Google searches regarding Ms Lee resulted in people visiting Sparkles Plenty. (Although there was someone who did a search for “people I’d like to punch in the face,” and I have to say that if I weren’t married I’m pretty sure I would like to date that person.) Here are a few of the most entertaining searches:

Sandy likes to suck: After seeing several episodes of her show, I’d be inclined to agree, although I have a feeling this person had an entirely different maneuver in mind.

Sandra Lee appetizer wanker: Oh my sweet lord. If there’s an hors d’oeuvre out there called a wanker, I want to know about it, and I want to know about it right now, people! I cannot imagine a scenario more spectacular than to carry around a tray of those at my next dinner party and ask each guest, “Wanker?”

Sandra Lee cans: Aw, come on. You don’t need the internet for that. Just tune in to her show and if she’s wearing a tight sweater or – God forbid – a tank top, those prodigious cans will be on full Technicolor display.

Sandra Lee nuts turd: I’m not sure what to make of this one. I’m repulsed, yet fascinated… all at the same time!

So there you have it. Sandra Lee is the ticket to increased website traffic. You can thank me later, because right now I have some wanker recipes to look for.