Mister Sparkles in en route to England to play some cricket. He will tour the British countryside and sip -- pinkies up -- the occasional Pimms while wearing his crisp white uniform. Once on the field of play, he will unleash wicked googlies upon his hapless opponents. Because that is how he rolls.
So that means I'm on my own for the next several days, and I've begun planning my exciting activities. I'm going to do all the things people do when they're alone; things they spare their partners from witnessing. Things like eating those horrific concoctions that only you can stand, probably because they were fed to you before you were old enough to find them objectionable, or watching TV shows that you know are crap but simply have to watch when you know no one is looking.
In keeping with my free-wheeling single-girl-for-a-few-days spirit, I will make a big batch of Spaghetti Red (pasta, kidney beans, and ground beef, all doused in ketchup... yeah, I know), and watch as many Brady Bunch and Little House on the Prairie reruns as I can find. To spice things up a bit, I think I'll scoot to The Teeter and grab some Raid so I can assassinate the industrious wasps who are busily working on a nest. Normally I'm a live-and-let-live kind of girl, but wasps in my kitchen window? Oh, hell no bitches!
About this time tomorrow you will find me splayed out on the sofa with drool and snot caked on my face, fragments of kidney beans in my unwashed hair, one hand clutching a can of Raid and the other on the remote control, desperately searching for some Golden Girls reruns.
In closing, I'd like to answer the question you're all asking: No. I could not be any more glamorous.
So that means I'm on my own for the next several days, and I've begun planning my exciting activities. I'm going to do all the things people do when they're alone; things they spare their partners from witnessing. Things like eating those horrific concoctions that only you can stand, probably because they were fed to you before you were old enough to find them objectionable, or watching TV shows that you know are crap but simply have to watch when you know no one is looking.
In keeping with my free-wheeling single-girl-for-a-few-days spirit, I will make a big batch of Spaghetti Red (pasta, kidney beans, and ground beef, all doused in ketchup... yeah, I know), and watch as many Brady Bunch and Little House on the Prairie reruns as I can find. To spice things up a bit, I think I'll scoot to The Teeter and grab some Raid so I can assassinate the industrious wasps who are busily working on a nest. Normally I'm a live-and-let-live kind of girl, but wasps in my kitchen window? Oh, hell no bitches!
About this time tomorrow you will find me splayed out on the sofa with drool and snot caked on my face, fragments of kidney beans in my unwashed hair, one hand clutching a can of Raid and the other on the remote control, desperately searching for some Golden Girls reruns.
In closing, I'd like to answer the question you're all asking: No. I could not be any more glamorous.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home