Oh my gosh you guys, it's just a couple days until the most glorious sporting event in the history of forever: The Kentucky Derby! I fear I may have let you down since I haven't provided my legendary insight until now, but I'm only one woman, y'all! You're probably still reeling from my March Madness picks, and who could blame you? Feel free to peruse the Sparkles Plenty archives and have your minds blown. I believe I picked Gonzaga to go all the way. They may have made it to Round 2, but I won't swear to it.
Anyway, I have examined the field for the Kentucky Derby. I've noted their Beyer numbers and studied their fractions, histories, pedigrees, and dosage ratings. Here are my selections, and please don't hesitate to write this wisdom down:
1. Cowtown Cat - Could very well freak the fuck out when faced with the crowds and noise, but appears to have some nice tactical speed. Also the word "cowtown" is pretty sweet. I think I lerrvv him.
2. Circular Quay - Nice low dosage. If it's a fast pace that should work in his favor. Also, the name makes me think of fruity rum drinks and how can you go against that? Don't hate on the rum, people.
3. Tiago - Even lower dosage than Cowtown Cat. I love that, although it might not be a good thing in the Derby depending on the pace. On the other hand I saw him in one of the prep races and he gave me goosebumps as he started from the rear and passed the other horses like they were standing around farting in a field of daisies. I'm confident all the fillies think he's a stud, and don't ever go against the fillies.
Anyway, I have examined the field for the Kentucky Derby. I've noted their Beyer numbers and studied their fractions, histories, pedigrees, and dosage ratings. Here are my selections, and please don't hesitate to write this wisdom down:
1. Cowtown Cat - Could very well freak the fuck out when faced with the crowds and noise, but appears to have some nice tactical speed. Also the word "cowtown" is pretty sweet. I think I lerrvv him.
2. Circular Quay - Nice low dosage. If it's a fast pace that should work in his favor. Also, the name makes me think of fruity rum drinks and how can you go against that? Don't hate on the rum, people.
3. Tiago - Even lower dosage than Cowtown Cat. I love that, although it might not be a good thing in the Derby depending on the pace. On the other hand I saw him in one of the prep races and he gave me goosebumps as he started from the rear and passed the other horses like they were standing around farting in a field of daisies. I'm confident all the fillies think he's a stud, and don't ever go against the fillies.
So there are my choices. Of course the last time my Derby pick won was in 1994 so some haters might cast aspersions on my handicapping ability. And I couldn't blame them if they did since my picks have sucked butt for the last decade or so. Maybe I will revert to the system I used when I was a five year-old accompanying my parents to a day at Hollywood Park: go with the outfits. I'd take one look at the silks and inform my parents that they needed to place a bet on whatever horse's mount had colors that I thought were the prettiest. They'd indulge me from time to time, and my record was just as good as that of my dad who spent several hours poring over the Racing Digest. So if there's any jockey out there on Saturday decked out in pink and green argyle all my money is going on that bitch, research be damned. And then ya'll can eat my dust.
Yeah.
Yeah.
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