Friday, May 25, 2007
All Ovaries In This House Belong To Me Now
Yesterday morning I was trying to drag my sad ass out of bed as my husband was getting ready to leave for work.

"Don't let Maggie outside today. She's acting weird."

"What? Is it time to wake up? Oh sweet lord please tell me it's not time to wake up."

"It's time to wake up. And don't let Maggie outside."

"Huh? Why?"

"She's weird."

"Duh."

"I think she's gone into heat."

"Oh sweet Jesus. I do not need this today. Maybe if I go back to sleep it will all go away."

"Yeah, good luck with that."

"Bastard."

Long story short (too late!), I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and walked into the next room. Miss Maggie Survivor was laying prostrate on the floor and Gloria was straddled on top of her, licking her ears. My first thought was that I had stumbled onto the set of some movie for feline Cinemax, but right away I realized that was a stupid idea. There is no such network, because if there were we would have ordered it for Gloria already.

Maggie spent the next few minutes crouched on her front legs while standing tiptoed on her hind ones to ensure that her butt was constantly in the air. She tottered around on her rear tiptoes, walking backward in circles in order to cover as much area as possible. She presented her feminine wares to every stationary object she could find, and I couldn't call the vet fast enough to make an appointment to get her spayed. I managed to get her booked that same day, and I imagine the neighbors are still talking about the squealing tires they heard coming out of our driveway that morning.

Once we made it to the animal hospital I was faced with the momentous decision of laser surgery or the traditional scalpel method. Laser vs scalpel? Oh hells yeah, it's Laser City, bitches. For someone who will get cranky with her spouse if he buys brand name kidney beans because they cost 39 cents more it's interesting that I'm so willing to drop an extra hundred bucks on enhanced veterinary surgery. But the laser procedure was supposed to be easier on Maggie, and what Maggie the Princess wants, Maggie the Princess gets. I'm very lucky that my husband is much more understanding about veterinary care than I am about kidney beans.

Maggie made it through the surgery just fine, and appears quite unfazed by it all. She's still slightly sluggish at times, but very happy to be home and able to sleep on her favorite pillow. Here she is sporting the feline equivalent of the Brazilian wax:
Gloria was a bit beside herself last night when Maggie wasn't here. Of course she will never admit to that because she tries to be tough and all, but when she sat outside on the back steps for two hours frantically looking around the backyard it was pretty clear that she was worried about her sister. When I brought Maggie home today from the vet Gloria anxiously looked on while Maggie lay on the rug in their favorite play room. While Maggie rested quietly Gloria began grooming her, licking her paws, ears, and head. After she was finished Gloria stretched out directly across from Maggie, about six inches apart, face to face. They both reclined there looking at each other for a couple minutes, at which time Gloria began slowly scooting toward Maggie. She stretched out her paw and gently patted Maggie's face, as if to say she knew exactly what Maggie was feeling. Maggie blinked a couple times and then stretched out her paw as well so that their paws rested on each others'. Then they both purred for a while and went to sleep.

It's moments like that that remind me why sometimes I like animals more than I do humans.


3 Comments:

Blogger Kathy T. said...

Awww! Glad to hear Maggie won't be a more than a limited edition! Kittens are awfully cute, but there are so many more out there that you did good! And the story of Maggie & Gloria together... it makes me shed a little happy tear. Not really, but I could. Very sweet story! Glad Maggie is in your home. I wonder if my daughter even remembers her still...

Blogger Lynnster said...

Oh, yes. Been there done that with the girl-on-girl catness. I had a female cat that was feline leukemia positive and lived a long time (indoors), but was so fragile there was concern about her having any surgery so we opted not to (since all the other cats in the house were fixed). To make matters worse, she was part Siamese as well... let's talk about LOUD.

Anyway, many times I walked in the room to find one of the other female cats on top of her. Never a male, it was always this one female. Feline lesbians, I suppose. Either that or Little just couldn't stand her howling and it was anything to hush her up.

In any case, I am just thrilled that Gloria and Maggie are such buddies. And that post-surgery pic is awesome.

Blogger Kristina said...

Kathy, I will admit that the thought of being surrounded by a bunch of little kittens is appealing, but there just wasn't any way I could contribute to the animal overpopulation problem, like you mentioned. Besides, Bob Barker always tells me to have my pet spayed or neutered. I have an affection for that man that I cannot describe nor understand, but I know that if he told me to run naked around the town square I'd probably do it.

Lynnster, I had no idea what I'd walked in on with Gloria and Maggie, and my first instinct was to close the door and give them some privacy. But now that Maggie has been fixed it's back to their regular WWE Smackdown sessions every morning.

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